It’s been a while
I haven’t kept up on this. I guess life got away from me. So here is what’s going on with us at the moment.
Life is crazy. I am indecisive and longing for more in my life. There are a lot of things I want to experience and I am tired of waiting for things to fall into place.
I have always been a very impatient person, I tend to make decisions quickly and jump in before really thinking things through. This has been a problem in the past and has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I have gotten what I wanted most of the time, but things don’t usually turn out the way I thought.
I struggle, like most mothers, balancing work with family with “me time”. How many hours is too many to spend away from my kids? Is it really worth working full time if the majority of my paycheck is going to pay someone else to raise my kids? I truly believe that its better for kids to be with their mother than in daycare during the first few years of their life, and as they get older the hours they are in school are about the right amount to be away from mom. Therefore I want to work during those hours. But it’s all but impossible to make enough money to live comfortably without 2 parents working 40 hours per week plus.
Right now I am working 5 hours per day with some 8 hour days mostly on weekends when Brandon can be home with the kids. It works out well except that Brandon works late so the younger 2 kids, who aren’t in school yet, are up for a few hours basically alone before he wakes up. I don’t like this fact, but its better than the alternative. We hardly see each other, but there doesn’t seem to be another way to work it. And when money is tight like it is now, it’s almost better that we don’t see each other as much. Brandon can be very grumpy when he is stressed, sometimes downright mean. I am dreaming of the day when things are easier.
At this very moment I am finishing up my course in medical transcription. I am hoping this leads to a larger paycheck in the future. It doesn’t seem like there is too much need for it around here though, which leads me to another hard decision which I will talk more about in a bit.
What would make my life easier right now is if someone could just come to me and tell me exactly what I should do. I need a guaranteed outcome. I need to know that what I am working for, and the decisions I am making now, are going to get me to where I want to be later on.
